My granddaughter turned one today.
One whole revolution around the sun.
Hard to believe that 366 mornings ago my Man and I returned home, tired and exhilarated, just as the first rays of the sun were reaching over the countryside. Only the day before, we were simply parents, and then we were grandparents.
Just like that.
Friends have asked me how it feels to be a grandmother? Isn't it special? I'm never sure how to answer that. I'm not even sure what they mean.
Do I feel different? No, not really.
Is it wonderful? I suppose so.
I certainly don't feel as if I've finally reached some sort of ultimate goal, a pinnacle of parenting and now am able to rest on my laurels.
What's more, I'm still mothering young children and in my mind, grandmothers are older, mature and 'childless'. They knit and share brag books at bingo, don't they? They certainly don't have urges to party hard or stay up all night with friends over some bottles of wine. They aren't still discussing the pros and cons of skimpy skirts with their teens or playing tooth fairy for their 10 year old!
No, I'm sure they don't. And so I feel like I'm not actually doing my 'job' properly - I don't have the time to create smocked dresses, or take her to the park or even babysit. I'm still home educating three children, running a business, building a house and taming a wild garden..... and that's just the big things! I've yet to feel comfortable with my new label. Grow into it. I need to reevaluate my beliefs. I also need to accept that even when my last three children have grown and moved on, I'll most likely still not live up to my stereo typical granny!
I might have more time to create her a nice birthday gift or plant a flower garden together but after all these years of having my children with me always, I have a long list of things I'd like to do - like traveling or perhaps studying visual arts or photography or maybe running an online business and trading in shares.
How to reconcile my need for some 'me' time with my beliefs about grand-parenting? I feel a touch of guilt about that. Shouldn't I be there for my daughter(s) and grandchildren?
So you see, this grand parenting role is still something I must ruminate on. Sure, it's lovely to see the little Elf and kiss her and snuggle her and of course it brings me pleasure to see my girl excelling in her new role as mother but it certainly isn't an overnight change. It will take some years, I feel, to truly feel comfortable with this new hat that I've been blessed with. Just as I did when I became a new mother, I will need to grow and expand, and slowly fit myself into the new skin that my first born has again gifted me with.
It will be an ongoing journey.
Happy first birthday, sweet love child!
Oma really does love you.
Unsere kleine Enkelin war heute ein Jahr alt! Ein ganzes Jahr! Kaum zum glauben.
Und ich bin ein Jahr Oma.
Auch fast nicht zum glauben!
Well I can truly identify with this post! I want to play grandmother but I'm so busy with my own children still. She's a sweetie and I wish I had more time! Still the upside is that she loves my kids coz they're young and fun. Your granddaughter is beautiful. You've taken some great photos of her. Happy birthday to her!
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautifully honest post. My mum is a grandmother like you - she had littlies when my boys were born, a 6 and an 8 year old. I think she feels this way too. At times, as the mother in the middle, I've felt a bit resentful that she couldn't be a stereotypical grandmother, but she has been something different and thats been great too. She's been someone who can better relate to how it is to raise children now. She's been someone who is busy, but finds snippets of time to include my kids in her life. My little brother and sister have been more like cousins to the kids, and they love them to bits. And now, as my kids grow, they are finding more time to fit them in as grandkids, and my kids love that their Nanna does things with them.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you'll be the best type of grandma you can be, and more importantly, a mum to your daughter. She is a beautiful bub :)
Happy birthday to the little Elf!!! I can't wait to see her again!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday to the little one. She is just so gorgeous. Thanks for your lovely comment over on my blog. i have looked forward to being a grandma but it has been a long time since I have had little ones of my own. My youngest is very close to 26. My mum was not available to me when I had my children, she worked full time until she was well into her 70's. I wanted so much to be available to my children when they had children of their own because I knew how much I missed it myself. Like Linda, your little one has the advantage of young auhts and uuncles and a beautiful oma.
ReplyDeleteDas ist wirklich kaum zu glauben, dass schon wieder ein Jahr rum ist! HAPPY BIRTHDAY! She is so beautiful and so are your pictures. Hope you are all having a great time celebrating. (Although I would guess you guys must be celebrating all year round, with so many family members :-)) Best, Caroline
ReplyDeleteThanks to all of you for the lovely thoughts.
ReplyDeleteTracey, I hear what you are saying and I hope it can be the same for us as she grows up. I guess I was fortunate and had a mum like Kate who spent a lot of time with my littles because her youngest was 20. No doubt I'll be able to do that with my youngest children's offspring too!!
Caroline, yes we do celebrate a lot of birthdays! In fact the first half of the year contains almost all of them, so sometimes it feels like we spring from one party to the next!! I love it!! Vielen dank für dein netten kommentar!
oh evi, i've just now read this and really love and understand what you've written. and i can so appreciate it. i was a young grandmother too, at age 40. i was also raising the last three of my five, my youngest just turned 8 when i became grammy.
ReplyDeletei love my grands, i have 2 now, but now that i am an 'empty nester' and my children have all flown away i am anxious to spread my wings too.
happy birth day to your girl and her little one, they are both so beautiful.