...and life moves on ...

We had another lovely visit from our oldest daughter and her partner this week. 

Our Golden Girl. Our Love Child, the first child of my heart. 

We were young and in love with life and each other, the Best Man and I. We rode big noisy motorbikes, went on many camping adventures and lived in a tiny 100 year old miners cottage with the kitchen sink in a lean-to outside the back door. We shared the lounge room with a Harley under repair and the outside dunny with several red back spiders! 

We hadn't a care in the world and lived accordingly ........... and then one day the line went blue. 

I was determined that I didn't want our child to be carted from wild party to biker booze up and luckily the Best Man agreed, so we left our tiny cottage and moved into a larger house nearer my parents. I completely immersed myself in baby books; natural health books; massage and peaceful parenting books.

It was a steep learning curve..........

We found a homebirth midwife and readied the nest.

I felt that I had prepared well for the birth but was very disappointed in myself - 32 hours of long hard labour, and I was so exhausted that I just wanted to sleep forever. 

But we had a perfect blue eyed strawberry blonde baby girl. 

Even then it didn't go according to plan. Although I went through all the motions that I thought constituted a 'good' mum - breastfeeding, healthy food, natural remedies - I just couldn't really come to terms with my new role and suffered through more than two years of undiagnosed post natal depression. The Golden Girl was the sweetest angel, loved by all and was beautifully nurtured by her Oma (my mum)  during those times when I really couldn't cope. 

Eventually I found my way out of the fog and almost 4 years later we were blessed with another small soul to love. But those first years with my blonde babe stand out with bittersweet memories.......  

And now its her turn..... she is expecting a Love Child. With a smile on her face and love shining in her eyes she shyly told us "We are going to have a baby"!  

Oh My!! 

And her announcement brought back so many memories for me. Memories of her as a tiny new born; as a shy 5 year old; a sweet young lady of 14. Memories also of my thoughts, desires and expectations during those very early years. 

It made me think about how we go into this parenting business with our eyes shut! We have ideas and plans and they may go the way we expect them to or they may not and thats ok. But none of us really know the feeling of responsibility or the depth of this feeling, and how its not just there for this new baby but there for good. For ever! When we become parents to this new (to us) soul, thats it - it's life long. All the joys, frustrations, highs and lows are there waiting to unfold over the course of your journey together and that journey doesn't end at any particular age. Oh no it goes on.... and it's not a bad thing. It's just such a deep deep feeling and not really comprehended in that giddy time of excitement when you first spread The News! 

My Golden Girl will have a much easier time than I did. She already has some idea of how life goes with babies in the house - she was 16 when our seventh bundle joined us. She will be a great mum - practical, level headed and calm. 

I will encourage her to truly, mindfully enjoy this first child of her womb - to really embrace every spit covered moment and not let anything or anyone steal her joy. Only once will she have that time alone with just that one new born babe  - any others she will be sharing herself around just that little bit more. 

I will also encourage her to follow her feelings, her inner wisdom and not get so bogged down trying to do what Great Aunt Millie or the neighbour thinks she should be doing. 

I will be there for her because her News has brought back all those bittersweet memories and I wish for her to only have the sweet ones ............

I love you, my beautiful Golden Girl xx